The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
