All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is Oprah even human
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
