Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
