watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
