my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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