I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
