Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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