i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
