I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
