i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
