hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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