Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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