and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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