No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize