When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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