i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
