doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize