There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
