I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
