alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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