You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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