Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
