You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
