If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize