people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's never too late to be topless.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
