I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
