K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
