Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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