So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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