I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
