i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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