Well douche your snatch and let's go!
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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