You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Randomize
