I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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