I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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