and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
