I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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