But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
