I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
