life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
