He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
