I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Mom said you looked used
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
