is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
