all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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