allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
