where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
