look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize