Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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