Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
