just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
