i permit you to call me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
