I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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