non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
