You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
