What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
