Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
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