who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
