So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
