atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
