My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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