Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
