Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
