So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
