I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
