Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
this is an emotional support booty call
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
