I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
