so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize